– a short story by Ellen Paschiller
Once upon a time there was a little girl. She loved to laugh, to race after butterflies, to make up stories of adventures in far countries, to imagine her bike to be the finest horse in the world, taking her wherever she wanted. She was happy – mostly.
What worried her every now and again were the people in the real world : – ( those, who could not smile, those, who never knew a friendly or encouraging word, those, who shouted at others, those, who hurt others, those, who told lies, those, you could not rely on, those, who were unjust, those, who threatened nations with atomic bombs, those in governments, who kept their people like cattle behind walls, those, who did not end hunger, those, who made wars possible.
In her daydreams she found ways and means to fight them. All of them. Day by day – and to create refuges for those, who needed and wanted help.
The little girl became a young woman. She did not invent as many stories anymore. Yet she still felt the urge to stand up, if and when injustice was done.
What was beginning to worry her now, was the discovery of her own nature. She was not the good, benign, patient, powerful, invulnerable, loving, patient, wise benefactress of friends, family, neighbours, colleagues or people in general.
She could actually feel hate, aggression, anger. She would loose her temper and be unjust. In some cases she had good reason to get angry and even to hate – but she did not like it.
She wanted to be at peace and she wanted to act peacefully. She did not care for war – inwardly or outwardly. Yet she sensed, that deep down in her soul, war was raging and she did not understand why or how.
One day she was so angry with herself, that she decided to leave her home and if need be her country to discover, how to fight the war within herself or, if not fight, – how to get rid of the feeling, that within her soul a rotten darkness was always ready to jump up and bite a ready victim.
On her way to discover a remedy against her own darkness, she met many women and men of wisdom …and of folly.